P.R.O.U.D. Mama

Gotta gush!  I get a free pass to gush on Mother's Day, right?  I make the rules here, and I say... YES!

Many times, I do feel overly critical of Macie.  Being totally honest here, 5 year olds are learning the ropes.  Learning what's appropriate, what's not.  What is funny, and what is just plain annoying.  How to get attention without kicking and screaming.  What every word means.  WHY everything is what it is.  I seriously feel like Macie is a vacuum on my brain... my thoughts are no longer my own.  Oh no, they are not.

Discipline is hard.  I never understood when my mom said it was just as hard on her...  Seems pretty easy to just yell and put child in timeout, but it really SUCKS.  Just like it sucks to be stuck on the bed while the timer counts down 5 minutes. (ESPECIALLY when you are feeling too hot to trot in your ballerina outfit and even wearing mascara for the dress rehearsal).  But without discipline, we would have markers all over our freshly painted walls, and also all over our little honey badger.

And day in and day out, I forget how I must look to this this impressionable mind.  Do I look strung out?  I feel that way, many times.  In fact, I felt like the lousiest mom when Macie got to dress rehearsals for dance without her tap skirt, without her tights, and with one ballet slipper 2 sizes too small.  I hate these types of shortcomings of myself (like, that I will never be the uber-organized person I want to be), but what I hate more, is that Macie was a visual display of my shortcomings... she was standing out like a sore thumb with her peers... no tights, no skirt, ... yet ... she smiled and didn't seem phased at all.

So, what do I look like to Macie?  In school she was asked to draw a picture of her mom.   I am flattered beyond words.  In fact, the picture sent me to tears.  

I was also given a card that read:  YOU ARE THE BEST MOMMY BECAUSE:

1) Sometimes you let me have a treat from the treasure box after supper

2) We dance together to music

3) We watch tv together on thundery days.

Again, I cried.

Then today, Macie performed on stage.  Just like in dress rehearsal, I could see the determination in her face to get all her steps right.  I was not alone... every mom, dad, grandmother, sibling, was bursting with pride in that auditorium.  These recitals will do that to you!

We celebrated with a little Sweet CeCe's.  Finley is CRAZY for Sweet CeCes and I always make hers somewhat healthy.

This parenting ride.  It sometimes hits you like a ton of bricks.. that maybe you're doing something right?  Even if you are just winging it.  Mother's Day is that ton of bricks to me.  Thoughts of reflection, while seeing in front of my very own eyes, a vision beyond words.  Two vibrant little girls that God has entrusted to me to nuture, teach, love, and mother.  

It is a very Happy Mother's Day to me.